Other people's advice

What IS it about other people's advice? Why does it muck with one's head? What if you've got everything worked out and your happy.....then people stick their 2-cents- worth in and voila!!! you're unsure, unhappy and indecisive?

I, for one, don't like it! It confuses me. I have one friend who never does that to me. She listens, reminds me of my various previous experiences, asks questions, nods, laughs and leaves ME feeling in control of my own life and feelings. It's great!

I know it's hard, when you are close to someone, NOT to tell them exactly what you think they should do or should not do as the case may be. I suppose they are trying to help, but sometimes I just wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves!

We all make good and not so good, decisions in our life. It's how we learn. We all think we know how 'things' are going to turn out, but the truth is, no one EVER knows what's going to happen in the future, so how about letting everyone get on with their life, giving support, providing information/facts, referring to previous experience, listening and not judging their decision - just like my friend (of around 26yrs) does for me and hopefully I do for her......we both bungle along......

Stuck in History

This came into my head as I was walking along the beach in Hokitika. A fantastic place to chill out for your information, if you ever need to get away, I suggest Hokitika - or probably anywhere on the West Coast of the South Island. The black sand, the colourful stones, the wild sea, the friendly people....it's all good.

While I walk on the beach, often I 'rehearse' stuff in my head. I'm sure if anyone sees me they must thing I'm totally mad and should be whisked into a van with straight jacket, because it must look like I'm talking to myself. Which I am. I suppose talking things out loud to myself helps me sort through stuff and what better place to do it than on the beach. My favourite place to be. I hope to get married on the beach one day =)

It seems that my life could soon be going through some big changes. Well, moving to Auckland was just the start and that was probably the easiest change. I was certainly a self-centred move. But a good one it turns out - although as yet I haven't achieved all I wanted to, I still have a few weeks to sort that out!!

I'm sure 'visualising' (or as I referred to it above, "rehearsing" on the beach) helps. Has anyone seen "The Secret"? It's a bit like that. Putting the idea 'out there' and kinda seeing it through so it happens. It's gotta be a good thing - it's a bit like having goals really. And no one should go through life without them!

Without giving too much away at this stage (what's a blog for exactly?), I'm a bit scared about my future. The reason? Having made several mistakes in the past, it's hard to believe the same things won't happen again. I tried to rationalise my fear and whilst doing so, came up with the phrase "stuck in history". I'm a wee bit stuck in MY history. All the mistakes I've made, all the bad decisions.....it's hard to believe they won't happen again. And again.

Being stuck in history is not a good thing!! OK, it's good because it makes you more aware, more cautious perhaps, but does it inhibit you from making the best decision of your life? Does it prevent future happiness? Does it ensure failure, simply because of the negative feelings you're having? ("The Secret" working properly but not in a good way)

All I can say is this........there's no learning without mistakes. There are no stories to tell if you've made no mistakes. Here's how I've done things in the past: Let's say I'm waiting to catch a ball, eyes shut, arms out, hoping for the best - all the while knowing, I ain't gunna catch it - and of course, it hits me on the head! It hurts! And for some reason, I'm still surprised and upset!?

Here's how I'm going to do things in the future: Let's say I'm waiting to catch a ball, eyes wide open, following it, arms/hands in an appropriate position ready - all the while knowing I've got a really good chance of catching it. Perhaps I will. Perhaps it will bounce out of my hands at the last minute. Perhaps I'll unexpectedly slip just before I catch it and it lands next to me. And perhaps it WILL still hit me on the head and surprise the living daylights out of me!

But at least I'll know that this time, I tried and I gave myself a much better chance of success =)

I don't want to be stuck in history.

Whatever comes out of my head

OK, so it's been about 6months since I've posted here, so I'm going to see what DOES come out of my head.......

Right now I feel like I'm on permanent holiday! It's fantastic. Life is good, to say the least. Why can't it be like this all the time I ask myself? Well, mine probably could to be honest, but there are certain realities and responsibilities and people I love in this world, which all adds up to choices.......

A bit of history.......I recently packed up my car, rented out my house and moved to Auckland to pursue my career as a children's songwriter. My partner acted as my manager and rang schools for me to get email addresses and from there I managed to get enough gigs to keep me going for the 2nd term and some for the 3rd. Luckily schools all around NZ sing at lest 2 or 3 of my songs, regularly, so that was a way 'in'. I found some lovely, reasonable accommodation, with nice flatmates, close to the city and, well, here I am!!

Time has ticked on, I've performed many times, sold many CDs, and, because I left all my responsibilities behind, my life just feels like a permanent holiday!! I can do whatever I like, whenever I like and it's absolutely amazing!!

But life is about choices, and I have found someone who makes me feel good, who makes me laugh, who makes me smile, who 'gets' me, who listens and who may not be PERFECT, but who's good points definitely outweigh the odd imperfection!! It's been a long time coming and I haven't felt this way about someone for about 20 years even though there have been many inbetweens.....He lives in Nelson and so do his 2 young boys, so there's no chance of him moving up here. And it's an interesting thing, but being in a place, especially a big city for a certain period of time is different than living there permanently.

Also, my parents are ageing rapidly, Dad is pretty damn sick now with Parkinsons, Mum is getting exhausted being his full-time carer and I make them laugh. Also in Nelson.

My sisters are carrying that load at the moment and three is much easier than 2.

My 19yr old daughter....well, she still needs me off and on, and is probably better off withOUT me in the same town in a way, but we still get along well and enjoy each other's company (at least for a couple of hours!! ;0))

So, I'm staying up here for another term, building a reputation and getting as far as I can with my music, then returning to Nelson.

It's a bit of an odd feeling, sitting here, by myself, in the sun, looking out the window at the Sky Tower, imagining being back......

Still, the decision is made, my life won't be the same anymore - I have plans and ideas and won't find myself stuck in the same old same old. Well, hopefully!!!! I know how life can often 'take over' without one noticing....

The point of this post - well, to try to get back into posting here for one thing; also it just helped me sort a few things out in my brain that I hadn't thought about yet; it's also about making choices, about the realities ofl ife, about the fact that life CAN be fun if you want it to be and ultimately about the fact that no one else can create the life that we each want, that is definitely up to each of us to do, alone.

One more point though - if I didn't have those people who I love, and who love me, encouraging me and being there to tell all my stories to or to bounce ideas off, well, I don't thin I could do it........which is why I make the choice to go back.

And for once, I'm not even going to re-read this post cos it is afterall "Whatever comes out of my head" and that just did!!

Relaxation

It's easy to forget how to do the above. Well, it appears to be, for me. Don't get me wrong, I watch the odd DVD and a bit of tele, but I very rarely really relax.

I think the most relaxed I've been in a very long time is about 2weeks ago when I came out of my general anaesthetic!! I was very relaxed, and tired.

Anyhow, I digress.....today my partner, his 2 boys and I went to the beach. Rabbit Island to be precise. I didn't have to go to work, I didn't have anything I really had to do or anywhere I really had to be. It felt soooooooo good! I lay on the beach, went for a swim, had a picnic, laughed, then picked berries on the way home. My partner mostly looked after the kids' needs, although I have to say, they are particularly good kids and pretty much look after themselves. Incidently, we left the berries on the roof of the car as we drove off!!! hahahaha. Luckily a woman told us before we had gone very far. It was funny though!

I need more of that type of day. And now I'm sunburnt. But actually, I don't care!

Right now, I'm going to make tea. New spuds, salad, asparagus and steak.

Not a particularly 'deep' post I know, but at least I'm getting back into the habit!!

It's sure been a while...

Hey all, if anyone is still reading!! A lot has happened in a relatively short time. Most recently I had my gallbladder removed....an interesting situation and turn of events. I had it removed because I'd been having an annoying pain in my right side, just under my ribs, for around 6yrs or so. Then, a couple of times it gave me real 'jip' and I couldn't lie on my back or walk around much and had a temperature and stuff. At that stage my Dr still didn't know what it was - said I had an infection, but didn't know where and i took antibiotics, which seemed to work. Then I looked up on the internet and somehow found this forum and it was people talking about their gallbladder probs. Most of them sounded the same as mine, so in November last year I had a scan, revealing 3 stones in my gb. But, I didn't really want surgery, so I just put up with it, tried not to eat much 'real' fat, which seemed to set it off and also started having a teaspoon of cider vinegar every morning (as I'd read on the net that it can break the stones down and then you can pass them). But then about 4 months or so ago, I had a week or more of pain and it was getting me down, to the point where I couldn't really function or live my life and just wanted to hang around the house AND take painkillers, which I'm really not fond on and have hardly ever taken all my life.

Anyway......I decided to go and see a surgeon and book in to have it out. Now, he was interesting....didn't really want to see my ultrasound results and had a poke around my belly, but it seemed everything was in working order. I told him that since my last 'episode', I'd had no pain and didn't even think my gallstones were there anymore. He said my gb wouldn't be working properly anyway after that many years of pain and stones and that even if they'd gone, they'd likely come back.

I received a letter saying when my operation was and to ring and confirm. I still didn't know if I wanted to have it done. The thought of surgery didn't thrill me and I still wasn't convinced that my gb was actually the prob!!! But I also didn't want to turn it down because I didn't want to have to go on the waiting list again, just in case it flared up again.

I REALLY wanted to ask for another scan, but oddly enough was a bit scared to do so - firstly because I had a feeling my Dr would say "Oh no, they won't be gone, they don't disappear" and secondly because if I DID book one in, I would've had to pay for it, and these things just ain't in my budget!! So I told the receptionist, when I rang to confirm my operation all that, and she just said, "ring your Dr", which I didn't end up doing because of the reasons I just told you.

Anyway, I had the surgery. Just over 2 weeks ago. I'm sore. Every time I eat. I'm pretty angry about it. AND my gb had NO STONES in it.....yet they still took it out.....I didn't like my surgeon. I thought she was up herself!! hahaha - I have heard since that all surgeons are!! (sorry if any of you are surgeons!) And they don't really tell you anything. They don't tell you how much time to take off work. They don't give you a follow up appointment. They don't ask how you are even the morning after your surgery. All they do, is stand around (a whole bunch of them in suits - and mine wore a long dress and high heels!!! - she was a woman by the way ;)) and 'discuss' you as if you are a 'case' and not really a person. They didn't tell me why I had been cut in 4 places instead of the usual 3 places. They don't even LOOK at your 'wounds'. She told me my "gallbladder had no stones, but we took it anyway" and when I looked shocked, she said "well, likely they would've come back".

I have made an appointment to see my usual Dr and I shall be demanding another scan to find out why the HECK I'm still as sore, if not worse, than I was before. Why they took a perfectly good gb from my body, and why I have an extra cut!!! I kinda wish I was in America cos I might be able to sue someone!!!! Not here though.....

Anyway, I have never had a general anaesthetic, never had surgery......the process is interesting and the best bit is when the anaesthetist gives ya this injection that makes you light headed and then makes ya giggle! That was cool!!

That's it for now. Hopefully I'll be blogging a bit more again! Seem to have headspace again now that my CD is out.

Hope you all had a merry xmas and if I don't post before the new year, happy new year!

=D

Waiting for God

There used to be a programme on TV called "Waiting for God" about these people in an old folks home. At least I think they were.

Anyway, I have started working in an old folks home - I think they are called Resthomes or Retirement Villages/Homes these days. Really, they are a place for people to go when they can't look after themselves at home anymore and their partner/spouse/children can't either. That's it really, in a nutshell. Usually they are over 70 - often in their 80s, but recently we had a 50yr old who had 'lived life to the full' shall we say. He died. The youngest one there and he's dead. Phew - it really makes you want to try as hard as you can to look after yourself. You only get one body you know!

I have made friends with a few of the residents. I work mostly in the kitchen, but I serve tea in the dining room and take supper round to their rooms at 7pm. It's a full on job as there are 100 residents and their are dishes for Africa!! But that's how I like my jobs - time disappears and I feel like I've 'done something'.

I only do one wing of the home as far as serving tea and supper goes. Thank goodness - it's the 'best' wing, where most of the people are kind of OK - even if they ask you the same thing every night and forget that you've just given them a cup of tea and want another straight away! Or can't walk very well, or can't see, or can't hear.

The other wings, especially the hospital wing, I try not to venture into, it's VERY despressing and I really really hope that I don't end up there. I don't really want to end up in an old folk's home at all. Death is a much more pleasant option......

Since I have worked there, 3 people have died. The first I didn't really notice as I'd just started and he was taken into another wing quite soon after I started. The second I was quite sad about. Interestingly enough he had a 'friend', a female one. They were inseperable! Fortunately (I guess) she has a very very short memory and when at the funeral one of the workers said "it's a good photo of him, isn't it" to her, she said "yes, but I don't know who it is!"

It's a little funny, but not. If you know what I mean. At least she isn't missing him! He was a good guy and we had a few jokes together. It was odd when his table setting wasn't there when I got to work after my 2 days off.......

Tea time is fun. Well I find it fun! I get a lot of laughs out of it - don't get me wrong, I'm not laughing AT them, often I'm laughing with them or at the situation. Honestly, some of them are so deaf that you literally have to yell right into their ear - so the whole dining room hear every word every night. And every night it's the same questions. Somehow I find that amusing. But I'm not horrible - they like me! I feel like I add a bit of 'life' to the place sometimes - it's so morbid and quiet and often I think the caregivers sometimes forget that they are actually PEOPLE, who have lived life and have experience and sense of humour and a lot to contribute. One lady kissed my hand the other night. It was sweet.

A perfectly well women, who is quite blind, suddenly found out she has a tumour in her bladder. There's nothing that can be done. I felt sad and didn't quite know what to say when she told me. I held her hand. Can't do anything. And there she was, sitting in her room watching (well, listening really) TV, with no one to comfort her. Make sure you keep in good with your kids so they can be there to comfort you towards the end. Or have lots of friends. Preferably younger ones!!

Today is another grotty day. BUT my plum tree is starting to blossom and looks very pretty. Some daffodils are out in my garden - which is FULL of weeds!!! And my lawns need mowing badly. Roll on spring. I've had enough of winter!

Tonight we are singing and I am looking forward to it! Should be a good gig, although my fingernail broke and I can't strum guitar properly, so have just been practising with a pick, which I'm not fully used to. Oh well, it'll work out! We are off to set up in an hour or so, then back at 6.30pm for soundcheck and dinner!

I've just made a pot of soup. It smells good, but is a little tasteless.

I went to watch my old soccer team play today. First time all season and it just happened to be their last game, which was very good timing on my behalf! Can't say I've missed playing at all, but when I saw them out there I was running up and down the sideline screaming my head off!! Calmed down when I realised I was losing my voice......not good for singing!! hahaha. Will I come out of retirement yet again next season, or has my body really had enough?.........the gym sounds like a better option to me!!

My daughter is bringing my Mum along tonight. That is really cool. My sis is looking after Dad. Mum never gets to go out to anything, so I'm really rapt. My daughter can convince my Mum to do anything!! They have a very cool relationship. They've spent a lot of time together over the years. It's nice to see. Poor Dad not being well enough to go out most of the time.

On to happier topics......my next CD is coming along nicely. Due out in November. Don't tell anyone but I have no idea how I'm going to pay for it yet!! Hopefully I'll sell so many copies in the first few weeks that I'll be able to pay everyone off! "Money money money, must be funny, in a rich man's world." "Money, so they say, is the root of all evil today." "I want money, doot do-o-oot, that's what I want". If you can tell me who those songs are by you get 10 points! Luckily for me I have very patient and very understanding men working for me!

This guy www.whoisjuan.com designed my last cover and is designing my next one too. He's a very cool young guy and we spoke for the first time the other night. He's very talented and has great ideas too. I'm looking forward to the first pictures he sends me!

Happy Sunday everyone. Hope you have all enjoyed the Olympics. I've only watched a little, but enjoyed it none-the-less.

Take care, ring your kids if you haven't in a long while, and I dunno......bake some bikkies or something!

What?

Soup's Ready!

Well, I'm not sure what I'm going to write about.......I'm just gunna let fly.......

I love it when people listen to me. Actually listen and take note. I must remember to reciprocate.

I love singing backing vocals - even if we don't start till 11.30pm, like tonight. It's just such fun and so good for the soul.

I am the brokest I've ever been in my life.

Consequently I have a new job as a Kitchen Assistant.

At first, I had a bad attitude about it and felt like crying rather than jumping up and down yelling "I've got a job, I've got a job". But I have changed my attitude and plan for this year.......and it seems to have taken a load off. In one way. In another I feel like I have a split personality and I have BIG timetables pinned up on my wall so that I know what the HECK I'm doing every day!!

I certainly do not have a boring life.

I have just made a huge pot of soup - well, it's still boiling. Vegetables and those soup mix packets that have split peas, barley, lentils and things in them are cheap =D

I am listening to my friend Mel singing on a CD which she has been working on for ages. It's nearly finished and ready to sell. I've done some backing vocals on it and loved it! It's a great CD, she's a talented lyricist and writes beautiful songs. I'll let you know where you can buy it from once it's 'out there'.

I have this lovely potplant - I should take a photo of it and put it on here....hmmmm.....yeah, OK I'll make the effort......Ok, I made the effort, the camera needed charging, and then the photos - because I'm such a rotten photographer - didn't do it justice. Anyway, I think it's a type of succulent and has flowers at the end of the green bits....ok, I can't even describe it to you!!! hahahaha. It's also has two different coloured flowers, which is odd because it's one plant - I have a feeling that 100yrs ago, when I planted it, I put 2 plants in the pot, so now it just looks like one....

It's my birthday soon. Man, they come around quickly! It's ok though, cos I have a younger boyfriend ;+D

My daughter has this amazing gift of not holding onto things.......meaning if I get annoyed at her, it lasts just for that amount of time, then she carries on as usual afterwards. It's a great trait to have. I never really had it. And do you know,I think it's something to do with self image. I think if someone told me off or made a not-so-nice comment about something I was wearing or had done etc, I would've taken it on board as the truth. For example, I remember a boyfriend once telling me the dress I was wearing looked like a curtain!! I took it straight off, never wore it (or anything like it) ever again. And obviously STILL remember it!!

Sometimes I think I am airy fairy. But other times I think I am the opposite. Sometimes I think people think I am airy fairy. Let me clarify "airy fairy" - slightly stupid, disorganised, forgetful and unintelligent. I be honest, I think it's when I'm disinterested that I AM 'airy fairy'. I have one job, support work, which I do very well, but don't want to get involved in ANY of the other stuff!! Like the paper work even annoys me and there's only one timesheet to fill in once a fortnight!!! So any meetings, any special gatherings, the union stuff, other employees, training etc, I just don't care about!!!! Well, I shouldn't say I don't care about the employees, because the ones I know are all very nice......basically I just want to do my job, get paid and that's IT!! So when it does come to having a meeting, I don't know a heck of a lot about anything!! And quite frankly, I don't give two hoots!! So in conclusion, I AM a bit 'airy fairy' at times and quite happy to admit it!!

Also because my job is not my life! For some people, their job is a huge part of their life and so it IS important. But for me, my jobs are necessities - I do them and do them well - but I have another LIFE which is way more important to me. You know what I mean?

And now for a random comment or two..........

You can't know what you don't know.

What's the point of knowing what you don't want to know? (Well, after you've been to school that is......because there is a lot of stuff one learns at school that one doesn't want, or need to know, but has to learn anyway....)

You only have to know as much as you know, until you need to know more.

I saw a friend in a carpark the other day. He was talking about his relationship. I think he's the type of guy that shouldn't have a girlfriend. Why do some people bother to be in relationships when it's hard work or they complain about it all the time? Why waste your life? I've always gotten out if I didn't like it - and sometimes I think I chose it so that I knew I could get out of it. Work that one out!!

I've learned a lot about relationships and men over the years. I have learned this.......and only lately......a good relationship is balanced. No one feels resentful. Men love to be loved. If they feel loved they want to do things for you. They want to make you happy. If you treat them like a child, they will behave like one. If you treat them with respect, you will get it back. Some relationships will NEVER work. Some people should not be together. Some people stay together for the wrong reasons. If there are drugs or alcohol in the mix - and I'm talking more than the odd 'social' event - it's almost impossible. The reason? - it will always come first. Nobody ever wants to come second to alcohol or drugs now do they? Sex for men is just sex - quite unemotional and a basic need/want - until they really like or begin to love the woman.....then it's a different story. Well most of the time anyway!! ;) On the other hand, most of the time, with the odd exception (and maybe the younger generation are different?), for women it is quite an emotional thing, right from the start.

Dunno where that came from.

My soup smells good. Maybe it's ready??? Yep! Yummmmm. See ya =D

A long day

This morning my phone went at 7am. It was mum. She sounded bad and I thought she was going to say "Dad died in the night". But no. She said her heart was beating very fast and jumping all over the place. So I got up, dressed, washed my face and went round - after brushing my teeth and thawing the ice on my car windscreen with warm water.

She looked bad, scared and indeed, when I hugged her I could feel her whole body 'beating'. Oh, before that I rang my sister, because Dad can't be alone so she turned up to stay with him while I took mum to hospital.

Long story short (because I'm freezing, I have run a bath, I need to go to the loo and I'm tired *yawn*), she is still in hospital, in intensive care but they gave her some medication to get her heart back to it's normal rhythm and it has duly done so.

For those of you who don't know, Dad has Parkinsons and has had for nearly 30yrs. Yep 30. So he's in pretty bad shape really. And mum does all the caring except for 3 nights where someone comes to sleep over, so she can get a full night's sleep. And the odd time when one of us girls goes round so she can go out.

It's a sad state of affairs, but at least she got looked after today - everyone was very kind and she actually enjoyed herself I think! Breakfast and tea brought to her. Nurses and a Social Worker to talk to. She's actually forgotten how to look after herself. Hopefully the Social Worker will try to sort something out.

So.........I have nothing more......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What's New?

Phos just asked me "What's New?" Good question Phos! Thanks for always keeping me on my toes as far as this blog is concerned!'

I'll tell ya...........my mum and my daughter took a wee trip up to my uncle's house, which is a very cool house (don't have a photo sorry) made of logs with his own private beach! He turned 89 today!! He's probably not going to be able to stay in the house for much longer - he recently had a quadruple heart bypass and the other day whilst shopping in town he had a mild heart attack and spent the night in hospital! He's a tough old thing - used to be a top diver (from those diving boards) and worked as a book binder. His wife, mum's sister, died a few years back and do you know what? He had never cooked a meal in his life, so he struggled majorly when he was on his own and ate a lot of frozen meals!!

Anyway, because Dad can't be on his own, my 2 sister's and I have been doing 'shifts' round at his place. So the last 4 days/evenings have been taken up mostly doing that. Actually, turns out it was OK - it's funny, but the build up to looking after dad is more stressful than the actual event!! I have noticed that he is a little bit 'naughty' for mum - well, he just doesn't try hard enough really - they have fallen into a pattern, as happens to the best of us in long term relationships (not that I'm counting myself in that "best of us" as the longest relationship I've been in lasted 6yrs - and that was 23 yrs ago!!!). So she runs round far too much after him and he lets her. That type of thing. Anyway it was REALLY good for mum to get away and I think dad enjoyed us three girls hanging out with him =)

What else........went on a 'tour' of Libraries doing kids gigs a couple of weeks ago in the Wairarapa (South East in the North Island). It was fun - I carried my guitar, wore a backpack and wheeled a small suitcase behind me, hopped on the train in Wellington and off I went! It was pretty cool actually and a pretty lucrative trip - well, in MY book anyway!!! Probably a normal week's wages for every other 'normal' person. (again, not really counting myself in that category!! haha)

Ummmmmm, it's funny but even though my daughter has left home, I've realised that I worry about her all the time!! How did I realise this, I hear you ask?? Well, since she has been up north with Mum, I have felt a huge weight off my shoulders! It's just because I know she'll be eating properly, no boyfriend 'dramas', not out drinking (although, since winter hit, she hasn't really wanted to go into town on weekend nights! Too cold!)....all the things I usually worry about, I haven't needed to. It's GREAT!!

Ok, next thing.....I'm heading to Marlborough (top of the South Island and only a couple hours drive away) to do 4 gigs - 3 at schools 1 at a kindy - and to hang out at a school as they want a school song written - YAY, that's my favourite thing to do. I went to a country school yesterday to do the same thing! Life couldn't be better than that!

I just kinda seem to fumble my way through everything at the moment - managing to pull things off without really knowing how. I've got a workshop to do next weekend teaching supervisors how to do music with their kids at after school programmes. And doing a music sesh with some foreign students at Polytech the following week. All good stuff - all good learning for me and I'm just rapt that somehow people have heard of me and are now contacting ME to do these things!!

Thoughts..........I love it when a man actually listens to a woman. I seem to have this habit of letting a few things build up and the best way I know of expressing myself when I have 'issues', is to write - so consequently my boyfriend receives long winded emails every so often (he thinks it's once a month.....could be right!) which he ends up reading at my house and answering in person and most of the time putting my mind at ease. Then, time goes on, little things happen and I think to myself "he read my email AND took it all in". It's nice. =) I think a lot of men think we are just OTT, but we are sensitive creatures and NOT simple at all. Well I'm putting myself into that category anyway! Men are pretty simple - well not in a mean way, but they don't tend to have hidden agendas, they don't 'count' stuff - like we might know exactly how many times WE have put out the rubbish and how many times THEY have put it out, but they won't know at all!! They just pick it up and put it out - not even wondering why we haven't done it probably! Get my drift?

Anyway, that's enough on that subject - let me know your thoughts on the men/women thing!

Another thought.......I hired a woman to come and help me sort some systems out in my 'office', which is actually my dinner table!! I have a big list of things to do and haven't started it yet! I have this feeling that we all know how to get our 'office' running smoothly (if we are self-employed or work from home - which I am and do!), so why on earth did I have to go and hire someone to tell me things I really already knew?? I ask ya.....it's money I could very easily use for something WAY more important!! Oh well, lessons learned......

Mother's day came and went - my lovely daughter brought me in a rose a few days earlier and a card which had "To my beautiful mother..." in it. It was lovely =) I ended up spending the morning with my boyfriend's 2 kids (9 and 2yrs) as he was racing in a duathalon. I haven't had to look after young kids for a while - work around them a lot, but it's not the same!! I had sore muscles in my right arm the next day and for a moment couldn't figure out what I'd done.....carrying the 2yr old on my hip!! hahahaha

I've got to go and have some tea now. I'm hungry. As usual! Oh and if you'd like to download a really really cool song for kids (which, incidently, I wrote!! and which adults enjoy singing too!) called "Save the Planet", go and have a listen http://www.amplifier.co.nz/artist/36871/kath_bee.html it's only $1.99 - actually I think it's only $1.77!! And tell ya friends and their friends and their friends........thanks!! =) I've entered it into APRA children's songwriting awards, so finger's crossed!

This blog wasn't supposed to be about my 'career' life, it was supposed to be about my 'other' life....now it's all intertwined and I hope that doesn't matter to anyone - well, Phos, BBC, Viejo and Hammer know me as both anyway and I don't know who else reads this!! Except some friends and they know me as both too! Now I'm raving......typical woman!! ;)

The Angel Women's Loan Fund

I've just been at a conference all weekend. It was a gathering of 7 Angel Women's Loan Funds from around the country.

The AWLF are run predominantly by volunteers - although a few of the funds have paid co-ordinators, of which I am now the Nelson one.

The conference was great. I learned a lot about the AWLF and got to meet a lot of people and got to know the Nelson trustees a lot better - which was great, because I had no idea who was who or who I was talking to or emailing for the past month or so!!

We had a few speakers - one who talked about a group in India called CORD (Chinmaya Organisation for Rural Development) who assist the women of rural India by empowering them and drawing them out of the cycle of dependency. There was a DVD who followed this one poor woman who had been rejected by her husband (not sure why exactly) but was kicked out of her house, with her two children by him and not allowed back inside - so she was living on the 'street' with her kids. She went to her sister's but her sister's husband got so angry with her being there that he twisted her son's leg until it broke and then kicked them out. She got helped by CORD and learned to make simple crafts which she could sell - the women put a monthly sum into the fund and then borrow from the same fund to buy materials for their craft, so eventually they become financially independent. It's not all about women - CORD are also educating young men and trying to stop the cycle of abuse/alcoholism - it's hard to change the men. Anyway, it was a touching story and I'm sure there's more on the internet if you are interested =)

Oh, I haven't told you what AWLF do!! Ours is a trust and we have a pool of money donated by different people in the community or "angels". The money is for women to borrow, mostly if they want to go into business on their own, but sometimes we lend for other purposes too. The loans are paid back on a weekly basis and they are interest free. (I may have talked about this when I became a borrower?) Anyway, the prospective borrower is interviewed and referees rung etc and when approved they can use the money for buying product or advertising or whatever they have applied to use the money for. It's cool - the loan helped me get my CD cover printed.

During the conference some of the borrowers told their stories which were interesting - we had a lady who has started up a business doing style and design - seeing what colours go well on people, helping them choose clothes/accessories, feel better about themselves, that kind of thing. One lady has made DVDs on how to look after your horse and how to look after your dog. They're pretty cool DVDs actually and I could see a lot of different places using/selling them. Then a lady who sells wigs/hair extensions and accessories. And I also spoke about my kids songs and sang a couple - actually sold 10CDs at the conference, which was pretty good going!!

We did an hour's yoga session. Which I LOVED - have never done yoga before - well I went to one session once and they were almost climbing the walls upsidedown......and I never went back!! But this lady was lovely and it was basic breathing and stretching, so I'm going to go to her session on Monday night and my daughter has even agreed to come with me!!! So that's neat!

All in all it was a fantastic weekend, held in a beautiful historic house called Fairfield House - pic below:

Then, just as I was going to leave, a songwriting workshop was being held in another room, so I jumped in there and did a 2hr songwriting workshop! It was pretty cool timing and interesting too!

Now it's time for bed =) Nonite all.